8 Reasons Why Unicorns are Better than Zombies


Okay, so Justine Larbalestier's books are really, really good. But that doesn't change the fact that she is laboring under the massive misapprehension that zombies are in some way surperior to unicorns. This is simply not so. To that end, I submit a definative list that proves, once and for all, that unicorns are just plain better.

1. Unicorn breaks occur on boingboing after particularly distressing news. You don't see any zombie breaks. There's a reason for that.

2. Unicorn tapestries. There are sure as heck no zombie tapestries. Thank goodness.

3. Unicorns make excellent toys for bloodthirsty kids.

4. Unicorns look good in origami, sand, on monuments and even on chewing gum. Zombies very seldom look good, not to mention that there will never and should never be zombie chewing gum.

5. Unicorns hunts are less apocalyptic than zombie hunts. Well, unless you are a unicorn.

6. Petting a real unicorn looks more fun than petting a real zombie. Especially because unicorns are not infectious.

7. Unicorns are hard core. They're the natural enemy of lions. C'mon, they have swords on their frikkin' heads.

8. Zombies stink. No, literally. (Although, apparently water and baking soda helps get the smell out.)

It seems that the zombies have many allies at the ready to sing their praises, but on the whole I feel that there is no way that any shambling, decomposing wretch can compare to the sparkly, sparkly goodness that is the unicorn.

I would also like to add that this is in no way a slam against revenants, vampires, animated skeletons or ghouls, all of which I like a great deal.